Category Archives: Real Estate Jokes

Real Estate Jokes – jokes about REALTORs, home owners, banks, lenders, property managers, escrow, title, home sellers, condo appriasers, and more san diego based real estate topics.

Jokes on Homes, Buying, Selling Real Estate

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Submitted by San Diego Real Estate home buyers and sellers across the county. Search the MLS here.

Buy Me Out

A very successful Real Estate Broker had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my Real Estate office. All you have to do is go to the office every day and learn the business.”

The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate the office. I can’t stand Agents.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some the paperwork.”

“I hate paperwork,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of my Real Estate office, but you don’t like the office and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

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Rent

AGENT: “How much are they asking for your rent now?”
BUYER: “Oh, about twice a day.”
Gotta Have Faith

A real estate agent was driving down the street looking at all her competitor’s “for sale” sign boards in front of many houses she was too slow to list. Looking up toward heaven, she said “Lord, take pity on me! If you find me a nice property to sell, I will go to church every Sunday, for the rest of my life, and give up smoking.”

At that very moment, the cell phone rang. It was a seller who had to sell quickly, because of a job transfer.

The real estate agent covered the mouthpiece and peeked towards heaven: “Never mind. I found one.”

More Real Estate Jokes for San Diego’s home buyers! Enjoy.

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Protected

Broker, to four of his agents: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.”

Black Agent: “I’m a protected minority.”

Female Agent: “And I’m a woman.”

Oldest Agent: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

…To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male Agent, who thinks a moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”
Cut Your Workload

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That’s great, I’ll take two of them.

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Commission Check

An agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck.
‘This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,’ he said.
‘I know,’ the manager said. ‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.’
‘Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake,’ the agent answered, ‘but when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.’

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Real Estate Jokes – Buying Homes, REALTORs, more…

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Below is a collection of some of our favorite Real Estate jokes, from home buying, selling, dealing with REALTORs, appraisals, and much more. We hope you, San Diego, enjoys us, real estate agents, making fun of ourselves and situations we are all involved in.

Crusty old man

A crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to a female agent, “I want to sell my god damn house.”

To which the astonished female agent replies, “I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”

“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my fucking house!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this office.”

So saying, the agent goes over to the officer broker to tell him about her situation. They both return and the broker asks the old man, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no damn problem,” the man says, “I want to sell my fucking million dollar home.”

“I see,” says the manager, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”
Asking For Raise

“I need a raise in my commission,” the agent said to his broker” There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

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Main Entrance

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST AGENTS.’ He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST COMMISSIONS.’ The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’
Congratulations on your new home

A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”.

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.

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